Lost

You wake up, you have your daily obligations, and, because you care about your reputation and being a responsible person, you get up. No matter how bad your mood, your disposition, how many hollow smiles you have to give, you start a day that you know will be terrible before you even wake up.

    Tiredness does not prevent you from working, from completing what needs to be done, from responding politely to people, from having boring conversations without letting the other know how upset you are and how much you wish the conversation had never started.

    Meals are not pleasant. In fact, if there is something unpleasant in the dish, it’s even better because you believe that everything is conspiring for your day to be “perfect”. I had forgotten the irony. What would be these days if not for the irony, each “good morning” and “okay” given without the slightest thought. There are moments of sincerity, but people laugh because they believe you would never say these things if they were true. Every curse you can think of you mutter in a low voice, whispering under your breath or yelling in the middle of the street.

    Days like this are not exclusive to one person and they don’t even happen once a year. The only solution is to take a long shower, lay your head on your pillow, and wait for the next day to come and start over. But sometimes I believe, now more and more often than before, that the next day won’t ever come. The nights stretch on, the days are tiring and sad, and when you lie on your pillow, you don’t wait for the next day, you just question yourself .

    Why keep on getting up and getting on with your routine if there are no better days on the horizon? Why be polite to people who were never considerate to you? Why eat if you can’t fill the void inside of you? Why be responsible and maintain your composure if the people around you will never care?

Proofreader/Translator Evelyn Jamila

Published by Tassia Kespers

Escritora, professora, tradutora, revisora, mãe e exploradora nas horas vagas.

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